The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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