dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
