I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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