either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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