walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
