Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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