Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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