How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
