I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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