Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
