Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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