well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
