I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
