I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
