I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Less talking, more tequila
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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