I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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