So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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