I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
