I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize