Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
