Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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