Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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