I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
