Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
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she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
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Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize