that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
