There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
