if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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