Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize