you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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