WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
