i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
