Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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