I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
