I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
These tits shall not be calmed
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
