Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
