That's intense
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
