I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
