Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
