He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
