tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
