one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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