shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
