I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
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If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
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you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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