This is not my ceiling
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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