i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
