***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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