im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
