also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
The air taste purple.
Randomize
