We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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