just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
