I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
