I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
