If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
