Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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