Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
