So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
