To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
