i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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