i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
