I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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