is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
