I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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