If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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