So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
