I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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