i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
